Picking up the pieces after the Narcissist
Baskets and Eggs, the hidden truth to why you struggle to move on.
We’ve all heard the term “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” and with relationships it’s often difficult to not put them all in one basket. How else do you commit to someone if you’re not all in?
More and more we hear people talk about how when the relationship ends the narcissist had already made their mind up some time ago. Emotionally they had already left, and one person is left picking up all the pieces.
The difficulty is knowing which pieces to pick up. In all the turmoil it’s hard to know which pieces belong to you, which you’re holding onto, which have no real value and which pieces you are missing which you might need.
Imagine you have 5 jigsaw puzzles, and you mix all the pieces up. But you don’t have the boxes anymore, but a fairly vivid memory of what they looked like.
As you start to sort through the carnage, ever so slowly you’ll be able to see some pieces which belong together, and you might be able to start assembling a jigsaw.
At some point as you’re sorting out the 5 different piles you’ll realise some pieces are in the wrong piles, and this will take some sorting. The more you sort through all the pieces the more you start putting the jigsaws (yourself) back together.
One day you’ll wake up and one of the jigsaws will have all of the pieces in the right place, and this will quickly help you put another together, and then another until all 5 are complete.
It is at this point you’ll know which pieces mattered the most, which jigsaws you want to keep, which were not as good as you thought and which ones you don’t want.
This is rebuilding your life after a breakup. Picking the pieces you need to fix yourself, letting go of the pieces which are not the solution.
It takes times, patience, and thumbling around trying to find the right pieces from a distorted memory you had of someone who wasn’t as reliable, wasn’t as nice and wasn’t as invested in you as you would like to believed they were.
As you rebuild new perspectives come, and with each new perspective comes new pains, new emotions, new setbacks. They are brief, but they can come from nowhere, and this is where the emotional body is colliding with the logical mind.
The mind wants to solve problems, and the body wants to feel emotions. When these emotions come up, they need honest reflection so the pain can move. It’s ok to admit the emotion is one of love, or of missing someone. Feel the emotion, understand it and as it passes the logical mind will take over again.
You have to let your mind and body play this game of too and thro, you have to surrender to it.